I’m alive!

I must be the last person on the planet that needs a passport, but I do, and I took the first step six weeks ago and ordered a certified copy of my birth certificate off of this website. The aforementioned site promised speedy 10-15 day processing and happily charged $25 to my debit card immediately. I waited for the birth certificate to arrive in the mail and when four weeks had gone by, I went on the site and sent an email asking them why I hadn’t received my document. After two days, they wrote back and said that 10-15 days is typical processing time and that the delivery time is different depending on what type of expedited shipping I paid for (which I didn’t pay for. I thought good old U.S. Mail would be fine).

So, I waited another two weeks and I received a letter in the mail from the site and the letter says that they have failed to find a birth record under my name and they are keeping the $25 as a fee for looking for the record. What       the —-? Were they insinuating that I’m an illegal alien or is this website just a scam that takes people’s money and pretends not to be able to find their documents?

As my anger deminished over the next two days, I decided to move on and take matters into my own hands. I called the Court House in my city and asked for birth records. They couldn’t find my information in the database either but recommended that I look in the county that I was actually born in. I called that county’s Court House and spoke with birth records and voila! they showed that I did indeed exist and said I could have a copy for $23. I made sure to enquire about which documents to bring as this town is a 30 minute drive from my house and they assured me that all I needed was my driver’s license.

I tricked my friend, Sandy, into riding with me to the Court House and within minutes, I had a genuine certified copy of my birth certificate in my sweaty paw. I felt as proud as anyone would when they are proven to exist. I’m alive and I’ve never felt better!