Only funny if you’ve seen Juno

Maddie’s in 5th grade and today the kids at school were forced to watch “the video”. You know the one. Back in our day they called it the birds and the bees. Today it’s called Growth and Development or A.K.A. the Sex Education video. After the presentation, the kids were presented with little samples of hygiene products. Maddie said that one boy named Kesley proudly showed off his new deodorant as he sang loudly, “TITANIUM POWERRRRRRRRRRRR.”

Oh Andy…

I’m embarrased to admit that I have been secretly thrilled that The Mole is coming back to tv. I was a Mole fan back when Anderson Cooper was the unknown host and I tuned in every week to see him. (So you see, I loved him before I knew he was a Vanderbilt). He made the show seem exciting and I loved how they used that new camera technique a lot that made the image shaky (you know, like they do all the time now in movies like Cloverfield and The Blair Witch Project). The show returns May 26th but I read an article online that said unfortunately Andy (that’s what I call him) is too busy to host so they will be using some stupid guy that hosts the weekend edition of Extra. I googled him and can’t even come up with a photo to scrutinize. Oh Andy, I guess I’ll just have to be happy seeing you on CNN…

Definitely better safe than sorry

Remember when I wrote about the roof at the gym caving in and someone up above not wanting me to work out? Well, this week I joined a new health club and they offered me a free session with a personal trainer to get me oriented with the facilities and also to help me start a new workout program. The appointment was scheduled for yesterday at 10:15. I got to the club about 5 minutes early and noticed everyone was running for the stairs. A lady at the front desk told me that there was a  tornado heading for our city and to evacuate to the downstairs hallway! Long story short, the tornado touched down in four other small towns close by and avoided us, but my session with the trainer was cancelled. O.k., are you going to argue with the fact that I definitely should not be working out? Who am I to argue with the cosmos?

Not quite enlightened yet

So my book club meeting is Friday night and we are discussing the Oprah selection “A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose“. The book is all about our inner ego. The voices in our head — the incessant stream of involuntary and compulsive thinking and the emotions that accompany it– this is the egoic mind. The book claims that once you realize that those thought patterns are the ego and not you, you are one step closer to breaking free from the ego’s power and on your way to learning to disentangle yourself from it. The book also says that the ego thrives on reactivity. It claims that if we would just sit back when someone attacks or offends us, and not say anything, we could see that no one is wrong. It is just the ego that is trying to strengthen itself.

As I read the book, I thought to myself, this is cool. I think I understand and can use this new information in my life. I’m not going to automatically react anymore when someone upsets me. It wasn’t even 24 hours later when my husband and I got in one of the biggest fights of our 13 year marriage. And it was about something really worth fighting about… the tree beside our driveway needs to be trimmed, because I can barely get my car past it, and I wanted to call the landscaping company to come out. B. said absolutely not, that we’re not spending any money on anything like that. I got really mad because I’ve been asking him to trim it for about 2 years and he won’t do it. The argument spiralled out of control and it was really awful. So, to wrap this up– I’m all for A New Earth but not sure how it implement it in my own life. Eckhart Tolle says that every object has energy humming around it. Maybe if I concentrate long enough on the hedge trimmers they will surprise me and trim that tree while I’m at work today.

Who knew?

On our way to Austin, I had to pee and there was no restroom in sight for miles. Jeff asked if I would like him to pull over so I could go behind a mesquite tree. I wasn’t excited by the idea so we continued on until we came to this RV park. We both figured they would have a public restroom near the office, so we parked and went in. Inside the restroom were several of these signs:

Please do not dye your hair in our bathroom! Thanks, the management. I was flabbergasted. Is this really such a frequent problem that the owners have to post 20 signs in the bathroom? How many people are dying their own hair? Is my job in jeopardy? And why are they dying it so often? Are they on the lam from the law and needing to change their identity? Am I in danger? Are they over-lapping their color and getting dried out hair? All these thoughts flooded through my brain as I finished up and left their restroom. I said to Jeff, “Let’s get out of here. This place gives me the creeps.”

Coolest flying squirrel I’ve ever seen

from www.youtube.com posted with vodpod

Mona’s 25!

I have to give a shout out to one of my favorite bloggers. If you don’t have a Saipan writer on your current blogroll than quickly add Kirida to your faves. She makes me laugh daily.

Screw Dr. Atkins

Someone that I work with is on the Atkins Diet and is totally moody. She claims to be in ketosisand almost bit my head off two times today. The first incident occurred when I was shampooing a new customer. I had the new lady reclined at the shampoo bowl and was focusing on giving her a really relaxing scalp massage when Moody screams out, “whoever left the phone book on the credit card machine.. you can’t do that! It will over-heat if you leave anything on top of it!” Everyone just ignored her and continued working but I think it was pretty obvious that it was me who left the phone book there because I had just called in a salad order to Chili’s.

Incident #2 happened a couple hours later when I was finishing up another customer. The customer was in a hurry to pick up her little boy from school and was running late. She was paying by credit card and we only have one phone line at work so when we use the credit card machine, the phone line has to be free to allow the machine to dial the bank. Moody was on the phone at her station with her back to me and was jabbering on and on, so I showed her the credit card so that she would know I needed the phone line. She barks out, “THIS IS A CUSTOMER THAT I’M TALKING TO, SO SHE’S JUST GONNA HAVE TO WAIT!” It was really embarrassing and very unprofessional.

She claims to have a headache EVERY day and is going through the symptoms of withdrawal from not having enough carbohydrates, so I try to cut her some slack, but it’s getting harder and harder to ignore her. I thought the Atkins Diet was en vogue ten years ago. Aren’t we all past that now?

To the left, to the left

Today I’ve been balancing my checkbook, paying bills, and other necessary evils. I felt my brain lurch and change over to the left side to do these menial tasks. For anyone who might be unfamiliar with left brain/right brain ideology, here is a list of things associated with each hemisphere of the brain:

Left Brain		Right Brain
Logical Sequential Rational Analytical Objective Looks at parts		Random Intuitive Holistic Synthesizing Subjective Looks at wholes

As I normally live on the right side, it is quite painful to shift over to the left and now that I have, I’m stuck there. I can’t think of one creative thing to write about. I have no funny stories, no ideas, and no urges to create anything. I think I’ll go alphabetize my pantry.

Happy Birthday Wolf Boy!

In 2002 we became friends with a transplanted British Columbian named Frankie Moyle, a.k.a. Wolf Boy. He took us camping where the signs read “no trespassing, violators will be prosecuted”. He introduced us to Lamb Jakarta which he made himself. He almost killed my husband (who was in dress clothes) when he put him on a violent, unbroken horse. And, I have to say, we’ve never had more fun.

This is a man, so untamed and wild, a man of science who taught us that dolphins once beached themselves on land and sprouted limbs and walked upright. We met Frankie Moyle and things were never the same.

He is in Australia on vacation and it’s December 2nd, there (the official date of his birth). We begged him not to go scuba diving in Byron Bay, as the number of shark attacks are on the rise there. But he could not be persuaded. He said he hopes to die in the water, facing a great white or perhaps a pointer shark. So here’s hoping he’s alive and well and enjoying his birthday surrounded by friends and other cold blooded animals. Happy Birthday, Frankie Moyle!